Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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