I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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