let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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