He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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