Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
