i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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