i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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