Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
