you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just want to make out with him forever
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
