Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
