That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
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I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
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I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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