omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
