eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
