Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
