hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
