Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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