When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
