like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
