There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I believe in your delicious
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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