did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I have fence marks all over my body
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
