I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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