i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
