Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
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I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
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I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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