before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
