they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
