Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
