Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
