i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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