I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
