i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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