Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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