I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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