I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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