someone owes me an orgasm
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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