also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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