Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
