ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
