never play flip cup with pint glasses
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
