Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
