i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
