We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
