So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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