Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
