suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
