I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think my nap took me to another dimension
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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