I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
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I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize