my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
