someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
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