I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
