even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
