If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
