I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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