I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
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Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If I had your ass I would rule the world
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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