those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize