my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
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Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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